It’s true that alot of people are afraid to see and acknowledge the shadow parts of themselves. Those parts that don’t feel so good to feel, that we just don’t like and would rather not look at or even admit are there.

Whjile the world we live in certainly doesn’t support our having feelings,and most of us were never taught that it’s ok to have our feelings, there is another reason that we tend to be so afraid of the shadows - self-protection.

When we are really young and we have experiences that shock us, frighten us and disempower us in some way it is often too much for our immature minds to process. As children we learn to survive by suppressing our feelings. Even if as we are in fight or flight mode in response to stress and/or trauma, as children we don’t have the power to fight or the means to flee so instead we freeze. we suppress , we ignore, we learn to appease others.

I saw a client recently who was talking about how supportive she is to her young son having “big feelings” around a circunstance over which he has no control. I pointed out that she too is having “big feelings” around the situation and it’s ok to let herself have them.

The recent positive thinking movement hasn’t helped either. Not that there is anything wrong with positive thinking and positive attitudes of course, but should you be afraid to put your attention on the negative, the shadows, for fear you are being selfish or “too sensitive” or that you will create something bad for yourself because “you create your own reality” afterall.

The truth is that what remains unaddressed only gets bigger so you have to address the shadows in order to heal and transform. This is different from getting stuck in venting, wallowing or blaming mode. We want the energy to keep moving in order to clear. But the way is through. Through the sadness, the fear, the anger, the shame. And while facing the shadows is certainly uncomfortable, even emotionally painful at times, it is not the feeling of emotions that will create something bad.

The metaphysical teaching A Course in Miracles tells us that it is not our job to seek for love aka the positive but rather to seek the blocks inside ourselves to our awareness of love’s presence.