This part of me that feels unsafe (Part 1)
"I thought I had it down. I was, after all, meditating every day, practicing mindfulness and presence, reading spiritual teachers like Eckhardt Tolle and Deepak Chopra, believing in the mind/body connection and had adopted a spiritual perspective of love and oneness that we are each an integral part of (a departure from the religion with which I was raised). And I was a Nurse. How could I have been heading for a nervous system breakdown?
Chronic stress is one of the most common causes of a dysregulated nervous system. When your body is continually exposed to stress, your nervous system stays in a state of high alert. Over time, an overactive stress response can result in hypervigilance and overwhelm.
- Dr. Linnea Passaler, Heal Your Nervous System
At the time I had began to really struggle, it seemed to come on suddenly, but I certainly see the gradual building up of that anxiety and freeze. Everything I was doing up to that point was just keeping my head above water and eventually my nervous system wore out and could not manage the next storm surge.
I had dismissed the anxiety and freeze as stress. And it’s interesting that we do seem to have a culture where stress has become a new normal. after all, who isn’t stressed? However, stress is an indication that the nervous system is dysregulated, meaning out of balance and in a state of alarm. Meaning we do not feel safe.
This is a significant shift in awareness which can bring attention to what is really going on in our body and minds rather than continue to ignore and push through it.
This is why body-based or somatic (meaning of or relating to the body) therapies and practices are getting a lot of attention these days. In recognizing the alarm state of the nervous system, which is trying to protect us, when it comes to anxiety, depression, and even physical illness, it becomes clear that “the part of us that feels unsafe” needs to be addressed first. The nervous system needs to be calmed down. A person can’t learn, change, or move forward if they do not feel safe.
There are two pieces I had missed. One, I was changing my mindset, attitudes, and beliefs and I didn’t realize how threatening that was to my nervous system. And two, the old feelings, the trauma I was carrying, had to come up to be addressed and healed, and as it did, I didn’t realize how threatening that was to my nervous system. Despite my best efforts, I didn’t realize that I had been struggling for years against my nervous system. I hadn’t addressed the nervous system alarm specifically, and therefore, I hadn’t addressed the part of me that was feeling unsafe.
“The fight or flight, freeze responses affect everything from heart rate and blood pressure to breathing, digestion, immune response, and insulin activity, just to name a few, and, at the same time, affect thoughts and feelings.
In fight mode you may feel angry and frustrated, in flight you may feel panic and worry. In freeze you may feel overwhelmed, confused and/or hopeless. And often we feel a mix of all of of these”.
- Referenced from the Polyvagal Theory Chart of Trauma Response (Adapted by Ruby Jo Walker from Cheryl Sanders, Anthony ÈTwigÈ Wheeler, and Steven Porges).
“Physical symptoms of the fight, flight or freeze response include dizziness, light headedness, difficulties with focusing, tunnel vision, blushing, dry mouth, difficulties with swallowing, breathing problems, chest tightness, heart pounding, muscle tension, trembling, sweating, butterflies in the stomach, nausea, a need to use the washroom”.
- AboutKidsHealth, Sick Kids
The nervous system is the mind and body connection. The brain affects the body and the body affects the brain. Mental illness affects physical health and physical illness affects mental health.
We still need to take care of the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of an unbalanced or dysregulated nervous system by seeing a doctor or nurse practitioner, taking medication or other treatments as needed, if we are feeling depressed, for example, or experiencing concerning physical symptoms, but as we do so, we can acknowledge what the effect fight, flight or freeze, and other protective nervous symptom responses, are having on us mentally, emotionally and/or physically. These are signals, or cues, that you can learn to watch for to help you become aware of when your nervous system is in alarm, meaning it is sensing danger or potential danger, which means there is a part of you that does not feel safe.
There are many techniques and practices that can calm and balance (and thus regulate) the nervous system back into a feeling of safety, from breathing techniques, yoga, mindfulness, meditation and, my favorite, Emotional Freedom Techniques (which I will talk about in another blog coming soon), but it can also include everyday things like going for a walk, dancing, or singing (or both), hugging a loved one, having a cup of soothing tea, taking a nap or shower, or petting your cat.
The key is recognizing the mental, emotional and physical cues that the nervous system is in alarm. Bringing awareness to what is really happening is an empowering step. That very awareness allows a pause and thus an interruption to the alarm process.
For example, while self-care is certainly beneficial, if someone is living a stressful life all week and takes time to soak in a bubble bath or get a massage at the end of the week but then returns to the stressful life without any daily awareness about what their stress symptoms, mentally, emotionally and/or physically, are really all about, then all that person is really doing is keeping one’s head above water.
Of course, as we are having a human experience, no one is going to have a perfectly calm nervous system every day 24/7, but without the awareness of what the nervous system is doing, and particularly taking even a moment to acknowledge that you do not feel safe right now, you can be doing all these wonderful practices in the name of self-care, or even spiritual practice, and still feel like you are struggling against yourself and despite your best efforts nothing ever seems to change.
“True human enlightenment will only happen when each and every single person on the planet has learned how to regulate their very own nervous system.”
- Peter Levine, PhD
With awareness that the body is in alarm, that a part of us does not feel safe, as we pause and bring our attention to this, we bring consciousness to it. The next step is to let the body, and thus the mind, know it is safe right now.
“What I love about therapy is that they'll tell you what your blind spots are. Although that's uncomfortable and painful, it gives you something to work with.”
- Pink
Written by Michele Venema BScN, RN, Psychotherapist, cEFT2 AEFTP
Nurse Psychotherapist/EFT Practitioner
From Shadows to SoulLight Counselling 2023
If you are struggling with feeling unsafe or other intense emotions, don’t struggle alone, reach out for help.
If you feel that you are in crisis, please call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also reach out to a crisis line at:
988 Suicide Crisis Help Line Canada 24/7 calls and texts, service in English and French - call or text 988
Talk Suicide Canada (Available 24/7/365 for calls; 4 PM—12 AM ET for texts Languages: English and French)
1 - (833) 456-4566
SMS: 45645
In Part 2 I’ll talk about some things you can do to calm and balance, and thus regulate, your nervous system.